SEO Humor Articles by SEO Speedwagon

April 07, 2008

Search Engine Cartoon

I saw this cartoon on MSNBC and just have to share it with our fellow passengers of the wagon.

The cartoon is dead on in my opinion as it relates to company size and obviously hints to the MSN/Yahoo! deal potential.

Search Engine Cartoon
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March 21, 2008

Day 2 Locks for 2008 NCAA March Madness

Below are our Day 2 picks for the 2008 NCAA Tourney. These picks do come with a guarantee for any of the games that are predicted correctly.

Our 2008 NCAA picks are based on indexation and how well Google sees each school's site. Which school has more site links? If this is a tie, which school has its Athletic Department showing in its sitelinks? If this is a tie, which school has more pages indexed relevant to its nickname? Assuming SEO Speedwagon were an accredited university that secured a bid via a last second win in its conference tournament, we would come to the Dance with 7 sitelinks, Athletic Department not present, and 133 relevant pages.

• 1 University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill (8 sitelinks, AD Not Present, and 2,940 pages)
BEATS
16 Mount St. Mary's University (8 sitelinks, AD Not Present, and 37 pages), based on pages

• 8 Indiana University (8 sitelinks, AD Present, and 7,930 pages)
BEATS
9 University of Arkansas (8 sitelinks, AD Not Present, and 746 pages), based on AD presence

• 6 University of Oklahoma (8 sitelinks, AD Not Present, and 1,390 pages)
LOSES TO
11 Saint Joseph's University (8 sitelinks, AD Present, and 526 pages), based on AD presence.

• 3 University of Louisville (8 sitelinks, AD Not Present, and 289 pages)
LOSES TO
14 Boise State University (8 sitelinks, AD Not Present, and 742 pages), based on pages.

• 7 Butler University (7 sitelinks, AD Not Present, and 479 pages)
LOSES TO
10 University of South Alabama (8 sitelinks, and 43 pages), based on sitelinks.

• 2 University of Tennessee (8 sitelinks, AD Present, and 4,650 pages)
BEATS
15 American University (8 sitelinks, AD Not Present, and 2,620 pages), based on AD presence.

• 5 Clemson University (7 sitelinks, AD Not Present, and 1,190 pages)
LOSES TO
12 Villanova University (8 sitelinks, AD Not Present, and 167 pages), based on sitelinks.

• 4 Vanderbilt University (8 sitelinks, AD Not Present, and 3,470 pages)
BEATS
13 Siena College (8 sitelinks, AD Not Present, and 62 pages), based on pages.

• 7 Gonzaga University (8 sitelinks, AD Present, and 928 pages)
BEATS
10 Davidson College (8 sitelinks, AD Not Present, and 7,330 pages), based on AD presence.

• 2 Georgetown University (8 sitelinks, AD Not Present, and 728 pages)
LOSES TO
15 University of Maryland, Baltimore County (8 sitelinks, AD Not Present, and 991 pages), based on pages.

• 1 University of Memphis (8 sitelinks, AD Not Present, and 606 pages)
LOSES TO
16 University of Texas at Arlington (8 sitelinks, AD Not Present, and 3,480 pages), based on pages.

• 8 Mississippi State University (8 sitelinks, AD Not Present, and 948 pages)
LOSES TO
9 University of Oregon (8 sitelinks, AD Present, and 10,500 pages), based on AD presence.

• 7 University of Miami (No sitelinks, AD Not Present, and 2,530 pages)
LOSES TO
10 Saint Mary's College of California (8 sitelinks, AD Present, and 326 pages), based on sitelinks.
Dorky Note: The Canes win the contest for the least SEO friendly site in the tourney, easily.

• 2 University of Texas at Austin (8 sitelinks, AD Present, and 1,390 pages)
BEATS
15 Austin Peay State University (8 sitelinks, AD Present, and 395 pages), based on pages.
Dorky Note: This will be a much better game than most people think, as both sites are very well suited for indexation.

• 5 Drake University (8 sitelinks, AD Present, and 741 pages)
BEATS
12 Western Kentucky University (7 sitelinks, AD Not Present, and 566 pages), based on sitelinks.

• 4 University of Connecticut (8 sitelinks, AD Not Present, and 867 pages)
LOSES TO
13 University of San Diego (8 sitelinks, AD Present, and 460 pages), based on AD presence.

Day 2 Locks for 2008 NCAA March Madness
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2008 NCAA March Madness: Bracket Really Busted!

Below are the results from Day 1 of the 2008 NCAA Tournament. The Wagon scored 100% in 62% of the games! Stay tuned for Day 2 locks.

• WRONG - 5 Notre Dame University LOSES TO 12 George Mason University based on pages.

• RIGHT - 4 Washington State University BEATS 13 Winthrop University based on AD presence.

• WRONG - 1 University of Kansas LOSES TO 16 Portland State University based on AD presence.

• RIGHT - 8 University of Nevada, Las Vegas BEATS 9 Kent State University based on AD presence.

• WRONG - 6 University of Southern California BEATS 11 Kansas State University based on sitelinks.

• RIGHT - 3 University of Wisconsin-Madison BEATS 14 California State University, Fullerton based on sitelinks.

• RIGHT - 5 Michigan State University BEATS 12 Temple University based on sitelinks.

• RIGHT - 4 University of Pittsburgh BEATS 13 Oral Roberts University based on sitelinks.

• WRONG - 6 Marquette University LOSES TO 11 University of Kentucky based on sitelinks.

• RIGHT - 3 Stanford University BEATS 14 Cornell University based on AD presence.

• RIGHT - 1 University of California, Los Angeles BEATS 16 Mississippi Valley State University based on pages.

• RIGHT - 8 Brigham Young University LOSES TO 9 Texas A&M University based on AD presence.

• RIGHT - 6 Purdue University BEATS 11 Baylor University based on AD presence.

• WRONG - 3 Xavier University LOSES TO 14 University of Georgia based on sitelinks.

• WRONG - 7 West Virginia University LOSES TO 10 University of Arizona based on pages.

• RIGHT - 2 Duke University BEATS 15 Belmont University based on AD presence.

2008 NCAA March Madness: Bracket Really Busted!
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March 20, 2008

2008 NCAA March Madness: Bracket Busted by Indexation

Last year, the Wagon boldly went where no man had gone before. We based our NCAA basketball picks purely on who had the biggest wiki. This year we are focusing on fundamentals, albeit hanging on to our size matters methodology.

Our 2008 NCAA picks are based on indexation and how well Google sees each school's site. Which school has more site links? If this is a tie, which school has its Athletic Department showing in its sitelinks? If this is a tie, which school has more pages indexed relevant to its nickname? Assuming SEO Speedwagon were an accredited university that secured a bid via a last second win in its conference tournament, we would come to the Dance with 7 sitelinks, Athletic Department not present, and 133 relevant pages.

LLLLLET'S GET READY TO . . . (Will finish the catchphrase once we receive approval from Michael Buffer)

• 5 Notre Dame University (8 sitelinks, AD not present, and 1,140 pages)
LOSES TO
12 George Mason University (8 sitelinks, AD not present, and 16,200 pages), based on pages.

• 4 Washington State University (8 sitelinks, AD Present, 2,700 pages)
BEATS
13 Winthrop University (8 sitelinks, AD Not Present, and 819 pages), based on AD presence.

• 1 University of Kansas (8 sitelinks, AD NOT Present, and 1,800 pages)
LOSES TO
16 Portland State University (8 sitelinks, AD Present, and 1,460 pages), based on AD presence.

• 8 University of Nevada, Las Vegas (8 sitelinks, AD Present, and 277 pages)
BEATS
9 Kent State University (8 sitelinks, AD Not Present, and 359 pages), based on AD presence.

• 6 University of Southern California (8 sitelinks, AD Not Present, and 4,970 pages)
BEATS
11 Kansas State University (7 sitelinks, AD Not Present, and 301 pages), based on sitelinks.
Dorky Note: USC is one of three teams playing today showing Google images for the nickname search.

• 3 University of Wisconsin-Madison (8 sitelinks, AD Not Present, and 6,830 pages)
BEATS
14 California State University, Fullerton (7 sitelinks, AD Not Present, and 1,920 pages), based on sitelinks.
Dorky Notes: Wisconsin is one of three showing Google images for its nickname, and CSF is one of two showing a Google Map for its title.

• 5 Michigan State University (8 sitelinks, AD Present, and 2,950 pages)
BEATS
12 Temple University (4 sitelinks, No AD Present, and 1,230 pages), based on sitelinks.

• 4 University of Pittsburgh (8 sitelinks, No AD Present, and 939 pages)
BEATS
13 Oral Roberts University (6 sitelinks, No AD Present, and 245 pages), based on sitelinks.

• 6 Marquette University (6 sitelinks, No AD present, and 113 pages)
LOSES TO
11 University of Kentucky (8 sitelinks, No AD present, and 1,760 pages), based on sitelinks.

• 3 Stanford University (8 sitelinks, AD Present, and 23,200 pages)
BEATS
14 Cornell University (8 sitelinks, No AD Present, and 18,000 pages), based on AD presence.

• 1 University of California, Los Angeles (8 sitelinks, AD Present, and 65,300 pages)
BEATS
16 Mississippi Valley State University (8 sitelinks, AD Present, and 461 pages), based on pages.
Dorky Note: UCLA is one of two teams playing today showing a Google map for its title.

• 8 Brigham Young University (8 sitelinks, No AD Present, and 9,940 pages)
LOSES TO
9 Texas A&M University (8 sitelinks, AD Present, and 6,890 pages), based on AD presence.

• 6 Purdue University (8 sitelinks, AD Present, and 5,460 pages)
BEATS
11 Baylor University (8 sitelinks, No AD Present, and 15,200 pages), based on AD presence.

• 3 Xavier University (No sitelinks and 582 pages)
LOSES TO
14 University of Georgia (8 sitelinks, No AD Present, and 1350 pages), based on sitelinks.
Dorky Note: Xavier is the only school playing today not showing sitelinks for its title.

• 7 West Virginia University (8 sitelinks, AD Present, and 6,580 pages)
LOSES TO
10 University of Arizona (8 sitelinks, AD Present, and 26,500 pages), based on pages.
Dorky Note: WVU is one of three schools playing today to show Google Images for the nickname search.

• 2 Duke University (8 sitelinks, AD Present, and 2,170 pages)
BEATS
15 Belmont University (8 sitelinks, No AD Present, and 1,190 pages), based on AD presence.

SEO Speedwagon considers the above 2008 NCAA picks to be locks. Therefore, we are only responsible for profits associated with said picks. Any losses can and will be attributed to operator error.

2008 NCAA March Madness: Bracket Busted by Indexation
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December 13, 2007

The Mitchell Report - Baseball's Bad Neighborhood

The path to Cooperstown is beset on all sides by exceptional links. The player must put up link worthy numbers (hits, home runs, RBI's, wins, strike outs, saves . . . ) in his campaign to attain the right links (Golden Gloves, Cy Youngs, MVPs, All-Star games . . .). If he gets enough of those links over a long enough period of time, he just might find himself a HOFer.

Now in Link Building, I have seen many incredible links and many horrible links, but I have never seen a single link that makes or breaks a site in pursuit of SERPS. So here is the question: Is the Mitchell Report such a bad neighborhood that a link from it kills all other links?

I know how Kenesaw Mountain Landis, or even Paul Giamatti's dad would probably answer that question, but I can't wait to see how Bud Selig answers it.

The Mitchell Report - Baseball's Bad Neighborhood
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November 28, 2007

SEO Speedwagon Killing In Vegas

Who'd have thought a mere 2.5 years from first post we'd be blogging to beat the band?:

Here's the link for proof this isn't a photoshop job, let's just hope the jump in visits doesn't cause them to wonder what is going on.

I for one am having a T-Shirt made of this, anyone else interested?

SEO Speedwagon Killing In Vegas
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November 27, 2007

The Gift That Keeps On Giving

Just when I thought I knew exactly what I wanted for Christmas, I get the following e-mail:

We can increase your monthly web traffic and get you the best position on every major search engine guaranteed never to move (ex: Yahoo! , Google, MSN, AltaVista, etc.). For a free informative consultation and site review email us.

Guaranteed never to move!!!!!!!

During my free informative consultation, they also promised that when I die, on my deathbed, I will receive total consciousness. So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.

The Gift That Keeps On Giving
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November 12, 2007

Is Jill Whalen a Scam? Yes, She Is!

In my research for last week's post on click distribution across Google Sitelinks, I found something pretty funny. I was testing to see what names, when used as queries, generate sitelinks when the names themselves are not part of the domain.

About the only person in the SEO/M space who can claim that is Jill Whalen, because a query for [jill whalen] brings up a set of Sitelinks for her site, HighRankings.com. And that is very impressive.

But what concerns me is the paid ad that comes up for that query:

I don't want to give that site any real credence (so if you want to key it in, go ahead, but don't expect a link). I clicked over, expecting to at least find some valid accusations. Instead, it was more like a biography written by an eighth-grader (to be read, apparently, by sixth-graders).

But if we start to put the pieces together, I think we might find that Jill really IS a scammer. To wit:

• She offers a newsletter on Thursdays, yet I can recall several instances of issues coming out on Wednesdays, or worse yet, Fridays. LIES.
• On the High Rankings Forum, several topics are labeled as "pinned." Yet they're not really "pinned" at all, are they, Jill? Aren't they really suspended in place using some sort of code? HALF-TRUTHS.
• Jill co-founded SEMNE, or the Search Engine Marketing Network for New England. Yet sometimes it is called the Search Engine Marketing Organization for New England. So which is it? And shouldn't it be SEMNNE? Or SEMONE? Where did the other letters go, Jill? Where? DECEPTION.

I think I've made a pretty strong case. Proceed with caution.

Is Jill Whalen a Scam? Yes, She Is!
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November 01, 2007

Search: Too Sexy for Advertising?

Search Quote of the Day from He of the Great Name:

Search is utilitarian. Search is constantly accused of not being sexy. That drives me nuts. The irony is that in pigeonholing search as being boring and utilitarian, all these brilliant advertising minds are missing the biggest idea of all: search works because it’s the customer driving the process, not the advertiser.

I'm with you, Gord. In our industry, conversions are sexy.

Search: Too Sexy for Advertising?
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October 08, 2007

Yes, Virginia(,) SEO Philology

I was quite humbled to see via Link Spiel heute morgen that yours truly unwittingly birthed the SEO Virginia genre long, long ago, circa Summer 2001.

And while they say everything changed after September 11, really the only thing the genre lost in the aftermath was the Really Is convention I thought was authentic at the time. Turns out while I had invented Really completely out of thin air, but not the all-important Is, what we really lost in exactly half of the genre along with our innocence was the comma after the introductory Yes I had faithfully inserted at the time.

SEO Virginia genre history buffs will note Danny Sullivan took less than a year to catch, and correct, his own mistake, the only such self-correction on record. He really is that good.

UPDATE: Reader Brainmuffin e-mails to suggest the genre be officially known as The SEO Virginia Monologues.

Yes, Virginia(,) SEO Philology
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September 18, 2007

Search Tearing Down Walls Like It's 1989

We knew it was coming and we tried to bake a cake for Maureen Dowd more than a Month ago, yet we are still surprised at how search-friendly they are being in their explanation today:

What changed, The Times said, was that many more readers started coming to the site from search engines and links on other sites instead of coming directly to NYTimes.com. These indirect readers, unable to get access to articles behind the pay wall and less likely to pay subscription fees than the more loyal direct users, were seen as opportunities for more page views and increased advertising revenue.

If you have any doubt that this is the SEO equivalent of 1989 scroll a bit further down the page for this money quote:

The Wall Street Journal, published by Dow Jones & Company, is the only major newspaper in the country to charge for access to most of its Web site, which it began doing in 1996. The Journal has nearly one million paying online readers, generating about $65 million in revenue.

Dow Jones and the company that is about to take it over, the News Corporation, are discussing whether to continue that practice, according to people briefed on those talks. Rupert Murdoch, the News Corporation chairman, has talked of the possibility of making access to The Journal free online.

Mr. Murdoch, tear down that wall!

Search Tearing Down Walls Like It's 1989
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August 21, 2007

Microsoft Talking Points Parroted: Day II

Article or Press Release?:

It's always seemed strange to look for information on a brand, and to see it appear both in the organic search results and at or near the top of the paid listings. Why spend money on a brand term that's going to deliver a top five organic result for the same query anyway?

If this sounds eerily similar to what many Wagon Riders thought yesterday was a lede of questionable intelligence, then your parotid attention may have kept you from swallowing full gulp. For those caught in the act of mastication, though, it's good to know that the above meme is being pushed by Atlas, owned by Microsoft, neither of which are owned or own or like Google, beneficiary of the great majority of the branded ad spend currently under PR assault.

Here at The Wagon we get the same strange feeling the Talking Point pushes in the quote above when we fix our eyes on a graph like the below:

With search behavior like that, why in the world would you want your brand to appear more than once, let alone a single time, in the same screen space above the fold? Good advice from the originator of democracy of screen space.

Microsoft Talking Points Parroted: Day II
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August 20, 2007

New SEM Industry Term Coined: Disposable Clicks

We sure did have fun with this Quote of the Month while taking The Wagon for a spin this morning. From the magazine that takes itself so seriously it demands all caps, ADWEEK, we are treated to this breathless lede:

New research by Microsoft suggests a big chunk of search ad spending is wasted because advertisers pay top dollar for high ad placements clicked by consumers who are en route to their sites anyway. Listings tied to such "branded" keywords, typically a company's name or products, eat up about half of search budgets, Atlas estimates.

Wasted, indeed. Heard while The Wagon pulled up to fill itself up with coffee:

It's like saying Applebee's doesn't need specific signage or identifiable markings on its building to show out-of-towners where it is, because people are going to go there for dinner anyway. That is exactly how stupid this is.

Isn't this also an argument against any brand advertising of any kind?

New SEM Industry Term Coined: Disposable Clicks
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July 17, 2007

An Ampersand Gets More Results Than All Other Punctuation, Combined

This is one of those few demonstrably true things. Even though it might actually be more accurately described as a symbol, in our character-challenged world of SEO Title tags we are more likely to view it in the same manner we view the disappearing punctuation mark.

But Google knows it is a logogram, and treats it as such, differently from the mere punctuation it eschews.

Try each one of these searches yourself and tell me which one is the outlier: [!], [@], [(], [)], [-], [;], [:], [“], [‘], [,], [.], [?], [/]—and—[&]!

& is also so well respected as to have its own eponymous magazine. Now what punctuation can also claim that?

An Ampersand Gets More Results Than All Other Punctuation, Combined
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April 13, 2007

Sitemaps Protocol News / SEO Humor

If you've had a backstage pass to the SEO Speedwagon for the last few months, you should know by now that we are official groupies for the Sitemaps Protocol. In fact, if we ever take SEO Speedwagon on tour, Sitemaps Protocol would open up for us.

There actually was some interesting news this week re: the Sitemap Protocol.

1. Ask.com has drank the kool-aid so you can now share your sitemap with them.

2. Although MSN isn't "...ready to consume sitemaps just yet", all three major engines announced the sitemap protocol will now include Autodiscovery.

Autodiscovery allows site owners to add a link to their sitemap within their robots.txt file. Here is what it should look like:

Sitemap: [sitemap URL here]

We highly recommend that you add this line to your robots.txt, especially since you will not have to resubmit your sitemap file when it is updated (which should be often if your site content is dynamic).

If you are a fan of the statistics, etc. provided by Google Webmaster Tools, then also be sure to submit your sitemap there. Along with statistics, you will also be able to see if there are any errors in your sitemap which can be very important, especially for large web sites (trust me.....been there).

SEO Humor:

An SEO guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Can you submit a sitemap to MSN?" The bartender looks at him, scratches his head, and asks, "Why?"

Sitemaps Protocol News / SEO Humor
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