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Google Still Crazy After All These Years
January 12, 2006
I met my old lover on the street last night. She seemed so glad to see me; I just smiled. And there seemed to be confusion, but I thought it was the beers . . . Still crazy after all these years
So there I was waiting on a friend's arrival as I sat in this bar with Google and her friend, who began discussing power ballads and hi infidelity. When the two asked me who cleverly named the tuna fish album, I lost it.
"Google, how can you still not know who I am?" My impatience was intensifed by the fact that we already had this conversation once before. "I am SEO Speedwagon damn it"
Google responded, as if I were confused, "Did you mean REO Speedwagon?"
"I am absolutely positive that I meant SEO Speedwagon." I thought the emphasis would show that I know who I am.
Google didn't budge. "Are you absolutely positive that you didn't mean REO Speedwagon?"
I tried to calm down a bit. "Please listen to the exact words about to come from my mouth: SEO Speedwagon."
"Are you sure you did not exactly mean to say these words: REO Speedwagon?"
That didn't work. I tried again. "OK. I want you to remove REO from your head, and think Speedwagon."
"OK?"
"Exactly! So keep REO out of your head and just think about SEO Speedwagon!"
Google backstepped (yes, I mean back stepped). "Did you mean keep REO out of my head and just think about REO Speedwagon?"
I thought about asking Google to remove REO from her obsessive head and think about the exact words "SEO Speedwagon." I feared her response would lead to a new level of absurdity and heartbreak, so I walked away.
But then I just had to ask, "What is it about SEO Speedwagon?"
"Well, I just know so much about them."
As I wiped away tears, I thought of starting conversation with her friend as a way to get through to Google. As we made eye contact, Wiki asked me, "What about your friend? Shouldn't he be here by now?"
"I don't think Godot is coming," I said.
Google started to tell me that she knows Godot, but I interrupted. "I know you do, Google. Good-bye."
Now I sit by my window and I watch the cars. I fear I’ll do some damage one fine day, but I would not be convicted by a jury of my peers . . . Still crazy after all these years
All posts by Tom Lustina
posted by Tom Lustina at January 12, 2006 10:20 AM
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Comments
Entertaining and close to home! I've had a four character domain, 'ypdx' since 2005 and Google still asks, 'Did you mean: pdx'?
Why does Google think someone would put a 'Y' in front of it by mistake? PDX appears to be an airport in Portland. Maybe my lover is leaving me my jet airplane...
Posted by: Erik Cunningham at September 8, 2008 05:37 PM